My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
