Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
