this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i now understand why vodka
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
