Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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