Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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