I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
