'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You may now shotgun with the bride
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
