I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I love you. Go after that dick
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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