Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
