He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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