She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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