dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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