you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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