Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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