Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
