Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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