WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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