Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
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In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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