why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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