No stitches, just platelets and will power
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
