I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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