I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize