i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He passed out mid-signature
you will always have a special place in my vag
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
