somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
