I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
