my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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