i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
