I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
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i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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