My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
