in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
