Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
