My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
