You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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