Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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