Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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