No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
