take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
