why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
