i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
