her facebook's as public as her vagina
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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