I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
