he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
