The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
