Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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