walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
