Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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