So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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