you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
