I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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