i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
