Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
How's work?
Spinning.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
