apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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