don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
