Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
