i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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