Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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