like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
