It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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