Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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