Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
