it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
