I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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