i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
