I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
