and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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