I think I won the penis lottery.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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