i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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