I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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