And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
