woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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