i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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