can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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