Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
